Another Dumb Blog

this is what procrastination looks like

2011-12-12T14:55:00.002-06:00

about to begin making our baby's baptismal gown, i am reminiscing about the day that he was born.
i want to type up his birth story here, because i often feel like telling someone about it but not everyone enjoys the details.
and then i realize that his baptism is in 11 days and i only have a couple hours at a time to hand sew this gown and all the time in the world after that to babble on about his birth day.
get it together!

i'm not a great cook

2011-11-30T12:41:00.003-06:00

but if the kitchen is clean, i like to play around.
returning from our thanksgiving trip to IL, we didn't have any perishables in the house. well, none that were thawed (i have chicken thighs moved down to the fridge now). in a pinch, i've made cupboard soups & casseroles before, but dh was a big fan of last night's dish, so i'd like to share it.
kind of a poor man's minestrone. kind of.

cupboard:
an opened box of dry penne (about 1/3)
a can of navy beans (thanks, WIC!)
a can of tomato soup (always on hand-- i was never really into tomato soup & then in the hospital after delivery, it was ALL i wanted to eat)
a can of green beans (no fresh left-- we went to use the rest of this month's WIC after dinner)

"spice cabinet":
cooking sherry (cheap. from the grocery store, which doesn't sell anything stronger than beer)
garlic powder
onion powder
"italian seasoning" (dried green stuff, presumably oregano, parsley, maybe sage)

fridge:
opened box of chicken broth (again, about 1/3 i think)

basically, i just cooked the pasta in a small amount of water, didn't drain it, and added the tomato soup. i put in the chicken stock to thin it out & add some flavor (this stuff is the best. it's my secret to potato soup)
i drained the green and navy beans & stirred them in. added onion and garlic powders & tasted it. decided it needed cooking wine, so poured some in. held up the italian seasoning and asked dh if i should put some in. he said "more is more" and in it went.

dh had 2 bowls & i just had another for lunch. it is thicker now (i think we took a lot of broth last night) and able to be eaten with a fork.

i guess this is just a post to say that it's okay to not know what you're doing. just try.

how doth the busy bee

2011-11-22T11:02:00.002-06:00

the pecans here come from mississippi, not georgia. i ended up getting 12 oz of pecans and 16 oz of walnuts, which are less expensive. i'm sure it partly has to do with their size (less walnuts per ounce) but the price difference is significant enough that it can't be the only reason. i have used walnuts before, and they do turn out well. the deep crevices hold on to the egg and gather up lots of spiced sugar.

today i would also like to start a variation on this project: poinsettia wreath from martha stewart
i have some red velveteen ribbon (really it's a flocked synthetic ribbon... i don't think anyone really makes velvet ribbon anymore. can you imagine? velveteen runs something like $12.99/yd at jo-ann, with the velvet going as high as $26.99, if i remember correctly) that would be really pretty, and some red striped ribbon that might be fun. i don't have any green, but we'll see whether these flowers turn out well before committing to other supplies. if it does turn out, i would love to splurge on some other colors of satin-y ribbon & make a wreath to bring to mom at christmas. we could hang it at the fireplace, across from her chair.

i have at least 4 new thank-you's to write. will probably wait to do that this evening. sometimes when i sit with them by myself, they start to sound weird or forced... with dh home to distract me, they will be easier to write.

should probably get started on these things (and packing for the weekend) while baby is still enjoying his swing nap.

brief as possible, considering

2011-11-21T12:45:00.003-06:00

last post was 4 days before baby was born. the day before he arrived, we took harley to the dog day festival at the park. he had a blast & i'm glad we got to do that with him.
also the day before baby: trimmed harley's nails, planted small mums in the flower boxes. trying to remember what i ate (besides a corndog at the park) but i can't... we had planned to go to the state fair, but ended up not having access to a wheelchair.

this baby is adorable and funny. he cries, too, and has started a new habit of fighting sleep... but he is just beautiful. harley adores him & is very protective. we recently got back from taking baby to visit my parents in oklahoma. mom is on hospice and will no longer be traveling. my sister and her family are there for thanksgiving.

i had been sewing a lot, but the tension is messed up on my machine now & i'm not sure what to do. it's time to do some things by hand until my frustration subsides enough to fix the situation.

we are heading to illinois for thanksgiving this week. if we get there in time, there is a "turkey trot" on thursday morning. i plan to bring mom's spiced pecans to share, because everyone loves them.
pecans are at least a dollar more this year, in the shelled-and-halved-and-packaged form. makes me wish i had gotten some while we were in oklahoma-- it may have been worth the extra work to shell a pound myself. not sure if they have pecans at the farmer's market here, but if they do, they are probably still expensive because they aren't grown locally enough (i'm guessing they'd come up from georgia). found a few recipes online to help use up the leftover yolks-- linzer cookies would be lovely, if i had a little more confidence & knew what happened to our mixer.

i quit my job. childcare costs more than i earn, 6 weeks is too early to leave baby with strangers, and i need the freedom to go home to my parents when i need to. also, i got tired of lying when coworkers would ask how i'm doing. my boss let me know that there would be an additional full-time position opening with the new fiscal year, so if we are still in town next summer, i will apply for that.

so, lack of updates is related to 1)new baby & 2)things that make me cry. i am thankful to have enough time with 1 to ease some of my struggle with 2.

as long as we're sitting upright at the computer

2011-09-14T15:48:00.002-05:00

i am incredibly homesick. all i want is for this baby to be born so that we can make pilgrimage to oklahoma.

even if mom wasn't so sick (chemo, as we already knew, is disgusting), i would feel this way. i just want to go home. i don't want to go to work. i don't want to sew. i don't want to watch tv. i want to go home.

news flash!

2011-09-14T15:21:00.002-05:00

if your pre-pregnancy bra size is rare, you will have close to zero luck finding a nursing bra.

in summary:
wishing dillards carried nursing bras
about to commit the sin of ordering online without trying on

medical updates

2011-09-07T17:10:00.003-05:00

mom says she's feeling pretty good, aside from the same discomforts she would be having even if she were at home. they should have put up her new bag by now, after removing yesterday's and hanging some anti-nausea stuff. dad got to stay with her, so that's really cool.

i'm negative for group B strep, 75% effaced, and "maybe 2cm" dilated. she had trouble measuring because the baby's head is SO LOW. i mean, seriously low. she said it is unlikely that we'll make it all the way to the 23rd.
my sister won't be here until the 20th, so she basically said, for the love of God, LIE DOWN. and no spicy food. but that leftover chili wasn't very spicy. i didn't even use any jalapenos this time. i just can't guarantee that i won't be eating silly amounts of fresh salsa anytime soon...

short list

2011-09-06T16:33:00.003-05:00

mom started chemo today
my "contractions" are painless and about an hour apart
it has been raining since saturday evening, so i'm making chili and cornbread for dinner

i dream of doggie

2011-09-02T13:15:00.003-05:00

last night i had a dream that we had TWO HARLEYS. one was barely smaller than the other, in shoulder-to-rump length. they both wanted a cookie, and one was better at "lay" and got his cookie first. these were very cool cookies, in all kinds of shapes and colors. i don't think that either harley really cared what shape or color a cookie was, but i was impressed by the variety.

i don't know what we would do if there were two harleys. there would be a lot more playtime, as one harley would make the other less chill. a lot of kisses and snuggles, though. and cookies.

blah

2011-09-01T15:29:00.001-05:00

i had a post about work and ducks and my grandmother, and half of it didn't save.

c'est la blog.

enamored with laundry

2011-08-31T14:34:00.003-05:00

today i washed all of baby's small clothing (newborn & 0-3 mo, new & hand-me-down) and bedding and towels/washcloths.
even with all the different colors involved, together they produced the most beautiful baby blue lint i have ever seen. perfectly clean and fluffy, like blue cotton candy.

getting there

2011-08-30T19:07:00.002-05:00

ob nurse can't believe we'll be term in 3 days. same here, friend.

first "we're almost done" exam has left me crampy, but glad to know that all is well still and we don't have to take any more dha until after baby gets here. that's right, only one horse pill every night! it's the little things.

there are speed bumps on the road to education. even when you're 6.

2011-08-29T17:47:00.003-05:00

a mother comes to my desk with a worksheet, obviously stock from a purchased curriculum, and asks for the book that is on it.

i look it up.
we don't have it.

but this is his homework, she insists. and look right here.
she points to the sheet, where it says to find said book "at your local library."

well...

i check the catalogs for the other public libraries in this county. nothing.
i try to find the best way to explain that the worksheet doesn't know what's at her local library. as i type this, i'm waiting for amazon.com to load because i'm wondering if the book is even still in print.

teachers, i know your job is hard. i know that these premade things make it easier. but if you're going to use them... please go that one extra step & make sure that your students will have access to the resources they need to complete the work you've assigned. i don't mind helping & problem-solving; that is my job, and i relish these things. but it isn't fair to send kids (and their incredibly frustrated parents) out into the wilderness with a bad map.

the book (c. 1995) is still in print. there are 8 copies circulating in the nashville public library system (all of which are checked out, & 5 of those have at least 1 hold on them-- this tells me that there is at least one teacher in davidson county using that same purchased curriculum) but if you don't live in davidson county (kids going to school here do not) then a metro library card is $50.

the mom said, maybe they have it at the school library.
maybe they do. with all the children who will be asked to read it, i certainly hope so.

2011-08-26T12:07:00.001-05:00

dear baby,
i am scared to death, but i love you so much i can't stand it.
please come whenever you are ready, because for as much as daddy & i want to hold you, we will never be ready ourselves.
see you soon.

we do what we want

2011-08-24T09:57:00.002-05:00

breakfast for lunch? maybe.
what's better today is lunch for breakfast.
grilled chicken, garlic toast, red sauce for dunking. that's how we're starting wednesday.

brief update

2011-08-22T09:46:00.002-05:00

baby's estimated weight is about 5.5 lb, fluid looks good, everything looks normal. taking a break from appointments this week (because of impromptu-ish visit last week) and then starting once-a-week next week. he's gradually dropping-- can't reach my ribs anymore HA!-- but i can tell he's not engaged yet.

mom & dad leave for houston tomorrow. 1st appointment is on thursday. the way i understand it, they will mainly be running tests to make sure she can handle the treatment that is being designed for her. hopefully it will be a brief trip and they can return home to get comfortable & then begin treatment there in town or in tulsa.

my sister's father-in-law is visiting them part of this week for my bro-in-law's brief break between terms. they'll ask him to come back and stay for a while in september so that my sister can come out here for the baby's birth. mom is excited about this, as she has admitted to not knowing when she & dad will be able to get here.

that's it, really. nice little baby shower given by coworkers yesterday afternoon. father-in-law visited over the weekend and mowed our lawn (!!) yesterday. very nice to relax with him.

things that made my friday

2011-08-13T11:57:00.003-05:00

co-worker clipped some small gardenias & brought them to work to share. i took one home to put in a salt shaker, and the living room now smells beautiful.

had a delicious dinner with my husband before he left on his trip. looking forward to leftovers tonight.

friend from home grew a mustache & sent me pictures. it is a very serious mustache, but its wearer has a sense of humor.

separation anxiety

2011-08-12T09:28:00.002-05:00

dh is heading to virginia & maryland after work today to see a friend get married at city hall.
i'd really like to go with him, but mostly i just don't want to be alone.

what i've been reading lately (a sampling)

2011-08-09T13:01:00.005-05:00

All images from amazon.com

you want me to consume HOW MANY calories?

2011-08-08T19:06:00.003-05:00

i'm having trouble eating. i don't know if this is just psychological or if it is physical as well.

it's not that i don't get hungry. i do. and then i go looking for food and either there is nothing i want to put in my mouth or i become disgusted by the idea of eating anything. i can't cook; just thinking about committing like that gives me tunnel vision.

sometimes it's hard to tell if i need to eat or not. my abdomen is full of organs and baby. am i nauseous, or have i gone too long without nutrition? it helps if DH is around and he can help me figure out when and what i last ate.

i'm managing to get in fruit juices and applesauce quite regularly. if i'm not going anywhere, milk is good. everything else gets overthought.

still taking prenatal vitamins. trying to think first of the baby i'm growing, but then struggling more with determining how to give him the very best. hoping this is a phase and that i will have gained weight when i get to the doctor on wednesday.

how copywright law allows for laziness

2011-08-05T11:49:00.002-05:00

patron needs change for copies.
i can't make change, but i can make copies.
patron hands me a cookbook.
i ask which pages she would like copied.
patron wants a copy of the entire book.
i tell her i can't do that, legally. (100% > 5%)
patron decides to go across the street to get change so she can make the copies herself.

stumped

2011-08-04T11:21:00.003-05:00

looking at my fabric, both new and salvaged, and realizing that i don't know how to make clothing for little boys.
i can do pants, with an elastic waist, but that's about it. i'm guessing that most little boys don't want to wear blue floral pillowcase dresses, which i am totally prepared for. i feel like there isn't much room for creativity in a boy's wardrobe, and that's frustrating.
what do they wear? short pants. t-shirts. overalls.
eh.

baby pictures, continued

2011-08-02T15:58:00.003-05:00

Baby looks good. Fluid looks good. They don't know why I'm small.

There was a student at my ultrasound, and we were able to provide a great learning opportunity for him. The machine was able to get a perfect look at all four heart chambers at once-- evidently this doesn't happen much. They kept using the words "beautiful" and "textbook." I kind of wanted to stay there all day, instead of going to work, to let as many students as possible come through & check out Baby's heart.

Soooo, I guess the doctor will monitor my measurements closely over the coming weeks to see how we progress & whether growth slows down, as this could be a reason for early induction. If everything is as it "should" be, though, he'll come when he's supposed to and be just fine.

Estimated current weight: 4 lb, 2 oz

baby pictures

2011-08-01T09:17:00.003-05:00

u/s later this morning to see why we're measuring so small. i really thought we'd make it to the end without having another one, but it'll be nice to see the little dude again. hopefully everything is okay in there.

wish list

2011-07-28T09:29:00.001-05:00

all i want is a little certainty. some stability.

maybe some more of that sausage gravy.

6 yrs

2011-07-25T10:31:00.003-05:00

a fun anniversary weekend, followed by a sunday night coma.

saturday brunch at the nashville biscuit house, which we had never visited before because it used to be something else. we both loved the sausage gravy, which wasn't too spicy & was done right-- real sausage gravy instead of country gravy with pieces of sausage in it. decent prices, so it would be nice to go again sometime.

eventually, we left for bowling green, ky, where we took advantage of the after-3pm discounted admission to beech bend park/splash lagoon. it's been a tradition for us to go to an amusement park for our anniversary, but at 31 weeks pregnant, there's not a lot i can do at an amusement park (other than get hot & tired). we spent the early evening at splash lagoon, enjoying several laps around their new lazy river. then i slept on a poolside lounger while DH went on as many waterslides as he could before the waterpark closed.

we spent the night at mammoth cave national park & went on one of the "easy" guided cave tours in the morning. i'd really like to go back someday when we're both able to go on a longer tour. on the way home, we stopped at a small "smokehouse" in downtown cave city, ky. more good food! sweet pulled pork, slow-cooked pintos, cornbread cakes, all delicious.

at home, i went to rest under the ceiling fan & woke up about 4 hours later to darkness outside.

back to work for both of us today, though i don't go in until 3pm.

very little news

2011-07-23T07:33:00.001-05:00

biopsy was not as expected.
chemo is not applicable; maybe back to surgeries.
pretty much up in the air.

hip-hip (hooray?)

2011-07-22T10:25:00.000-05:00

Sciatica!

newsflash

2011-07-19T18:42:00.001-05:00

i am so freaking tired.

Night In

2011-07-15T20:08:00.002-05:00

DH is at a going-away dinner for his new supervisor.
I am sitting at home with Harley.
Looking through photos, enjoying an active fetus, trying to stay awake so sleep comes easily tonight.

more waiting

2011-07-13T16:51:00.003-05:00

Not good news yesterday, but also not a lot of news.
Mom will have a biopsy tomorrow morning, with a report on that in about 4 business days that will help determine "treatment." This is hopefully something they will be able to do back home.
New ct scan scheduled for Friday. I'm guessing this is to compare to the earlier one & thus assess a growth rate. Will also give the most recent picture of what organs are being squished.

Talking to Mom today, she seems to be moving into acceptance mode. She also sounded optimistic about being able to travel & continue to live fairly normally for as long as she is able (depending on the treatment, of course). That's the impression I get, anyway. Weird that this is kind of the "advantage" of cancer over other horrible fates.

waiting

2011-07-12T10:14:00.002-05:00

Somewhat productive yesterday, returning items to the library (obsolete GRE book!) and stopping at the post office for stamps. Harley & I mostly tried to stay indoors, out of the reported heat index of 114 degrees.

Talked to my mom on the phone in the evening, and she sounded pretty good. Platelets are down from when she was at Sparrow last month, but not so horribly low as they've been in the past; the count is high enough that the hemotologist said things looked good. When he says things look good, that means the platelet count is probably high enough that they wouldn't have to do a blood treatment to prepare her for potential surgery.

Today she will see her oncologist, who will have a full report on the scans they sent down from Sparrow last month. They'll discuss what happens next, which will hopefully get rolling as soon as possible, whatever it is.

I usually do pretty well with all of this, only breaking down a little, or not at all if it seems to have been a particularly good 6 months. Last night I couldn't sleep & my heart was breaking & I was almost sick. It's a horrible cycle of anxiety over not knowing and acceptance that it's out of our control; usually I can break the cycle, so I am choosing to blame my rough night on the baby & the hormones he likes so much.

Mom's appointment is at 11, and she doesn't want me to call until after I get home from work around 3:30. It's going to be a long few hours.

multi-tasking

2011-07-10T19:59:00.001-05:00

DH was a total rock star this evening, grilling up a million meats for us to eat throughout the coming week & mowing the front and back yards at the same time.

Here's the big question: what do we have first? Do we go for the burgers & brats again tomorrow evening, or try the salmon? I don't really like grocery shopping, but I do love the end of grocery day!

mini freak-out

2011-07-07T10:13:00.002-05:00

I don't think there's enough room in my torso for this baby.

He's not huge yet... somewhere between 2.5 & 3 lb presently... but it feels like he is massive, and he still has 10 or 11 more weeks to grow.

That's a long time! And a lot of growing! Will he break my ribs? I hope we start growing outward more, because there really is no more room vertically.

Tall women have an advantage here, I think.

yesterday

2011-07-07T08:23:00.002-05:00

i fell asleep on the couch at 9. in the morning.
i had to resort to terrorism in order to get a patron to move to a different computer (one that wasn't downloading viruses onto our network)
my husband got home from work an hour before me
i had trouble deciding between studying for the gre and working on a crochet star blanket for baby
crochet project won

today i don't work until 3pm, so maybe i will be able to make that time work for a few things: grocery shopping, more crochet, reading the first few pages of that gre book...

summary of transitions

2011-07-05T19:09:00.003-05:00

Since DH should be finishing his grad program in May, we're taking a serious look at our next plan of action. The original plan was to move to wherever I was going to attend grad school. As of now, that is still the plan; we've just altered where that might be and exactly what program I want.

The next step is to study for the GRE, which is unfortunately changing in content and format (somewhat) beginning August 1. Wow, that's less than a month from now. So either I cram & take it in the next few weeks, or I study an "old" GRE guide until a copy of the revised edition becomes available. Baby will be here in September, so either way, I need to get it together. I ventured out to the Hermitage branch library to pick up a Princeton Review guide. That area is like the Bermuda Triangle for me, but hours later, I made it home.

Starting with next week's appointment, we'll be meeting the other OBs in my Dr.'s office at every-other-appointment (ish). This is just in case I go into labor on a Thursday, which is when my OB isn't available. She said that some people aren't open to it, but I would be much more comfortable having met my attending doctor before he or she helps me deliver a baby.

Next Monday, Mom has her tests at Anderson, followed by her Dr. appointment that Tuesday. We'll see what's going on then, as far as what they think can be done with her treatment. A couple nights ago, I had a dream that they gave her a pill that shrunk most of her tumors. I was like, why didn't they try this before? That's great! I know she hates going through surgery, and it would probably be really difficult this time (her third, provided it's plausible), but she sounds so scared of chemo. I can't say I blame her.

7:30pm isn't a bad time for a nap, is it?

Festivities

2011-07-04T17:18:00.003-05:00

Last night, we went to the 4th of July celebration at St. Edward's. I think it's the 3rd time we've been ('08 & '09?) & it's always a good time. TONS of people (which would normally be kind of terrifying) just enjoying being outdoors, in conversation, and eating "American" foods. It's a safe place, and they let the kids run free until the men in charge of the fireworks have to clear people off of the soccer field.

It's really one of the best fireworks shows you've ever seen. It's not choreographed to music or anything fancy like that, but it's huge and beautiful and there's hardly any pausing.

Tonight, instead of trying to find a place to park on a hill somewhere in west Nashville to watch the downtown fireworks, we're going to the first-annual Picnic in the Park in La Vergne. Free food, activities for the kids (I mean, other people's kids) and a fireworks show. We can park at the library and walk over. I'm looking forward to it :) Thanks, parks & rec department!

delicate condition

2011-07-02T16:38:00.002-05:00

I really want to do DH a favor by mowing the lawn (JUNGLE.), but all I can think of is how upset he'll be when he comes home to a wife suffering from heat stroke.

bullets

2011-07-01T10:04:00.003-05:00

DH starts a new job today. Same company, slightly different position, new office. New office is 13 minutes from home, whereas old office was about 1 hour away. I gave him an Austrailian root beer.

I am cooking a baby, and he's been getting big really, really fast lately. Case in point: 1-2 weeks ago, coworkers and some extended family were saying I didn't look pregnant (or, as pregnant as I am). In the last 2 days, 3 library patrons (read: relative strangers) have noticed my belly and said something.

It's not just the coffee cake from Detroit. That would settle in my love handles.

Because no therapist will return my calls (blog CPR)

2011-07-01T09:59:00.002-05:00

I'm thinking of getting back to the blog, with the same simple principle that created this one... One post per day, no matter how mundane. It's time to give it another shot.